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Joke of the Day

"Why did the farmer screw their sheep on a cliff? They push back harder. (Told to me by my NZ step father about Australians, of course.)"

"The first rule of dad club is shut the goddamn door on your way in, we're not trying to heat the whole outdoors here."

"A guy walks into a bar ouch If you didn't get it think about in literal terms"

"What do Jewish pedophiles say? ""Hey kids, want to buy some candy?"""

"I believe the children are our future and they should be praised and nurtured because they are the bus drivers and cabbies of tomorrow, and I drink a lot."

"You only miss something when you notices something is gone... Only now I realise how many words requires the letter W because my keyboard can't type 'W'."

"What did the black kid get on his SATs? BBQ sauce."

"Lance Armstrong...Optimist or Pessimist? So, Lance, do you see the scrotum as half-full, or do you see the scrotum as half-empty?"

"Q. ""Why do the commodes in Marine barracks have the cut-out type seats?"" A. ""So that if the seat falls while they're drinking it won't smack them in the back of the head"""

"I like my women like I like my coffee Ground up and put in a freezer"