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Joke of the Day

"I'm really tired all the time, I think I have stereo... It's like I have mono times two"

"Congratulations on ""obtaining"" your yellow belt. If we're ever attacked by 3 pieces of wood being held together, you're in charge."

"Why was the bullet train behind schedule? Because it had a bad conductor."

"Have you heard about that new Tron movie? The protagonists name is Adam."

"I see a border patrol car drive by... So I ask my mexican co-woker if he has his visa. He looks at me cofused for a minute then says ""no no I only have debit card"" (true story)"

"i'm every guy who says he's taking a twitter break for mental health reasons and then returns 6 hours later"

"What's the difference between feminists and Nazis? The Nazis shaved."

"Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think ""look at all these poor people who don't know Netflix exists."""

"Whenever u feel like ur not being productive, take a nap. You'll wake up groggy & angry & have forgotten abt the whole ""productivity"" thing"

"[climbs a Tibetan mountain for 6 days & stumbles out of breath into a Buddhist monastery] please. please tell me u have wifi"