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Joke of the Day

"FYI: By the end of the Twelve Days of Christmas song, your home is crammed with 23 flying Birds and 50 hyperactive Humans."

"Obstetrician who has taken up magic as a hobby: and what have we here? *pulls out baby after baby after baby after baby after baby..."

"How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed ? When your nose touches the ceiling !"

"Que es eso? *takes a bite* Queso!"

"What's green with little red wheels? Grass. I was lying about the little red wheels. Missing my grandpa today. This was always his favorite."

"Why don't you .... A husband asks his wife after sex ""Honey why don't you ever tell me when you are having an orgasm?"" She replies ""Well I would Dear but you are never home."""

"What's the difference between a prostitute and oreo? April Fools ya dumbitches!! There's no difference at all."

"It took a lot of balls for me to go on the Channel 4 show ""Embarrassing Bodies"". Three actually."

"[tries to eject CD 5 mins into space mission] Houston we have a problem I KNOW U CHEATED W/MY WIFE TOM ENJOY 12 YRS OF SMASH MOUTH U PRICK"

"TIL that Kim Kardashian's giant ass has it's own birth certificate, and even has a legal name: Kanye."