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Joke of the Day
"My doctor wrote me a prescription... It writes dailysex but my girlfriend insists it's dyslexia"
Next Joke
"Why won't Monica Lewinsky be voting for Hillary? Because the last Clinton presidency left a very bad taste in her mouth."
"Mom told me to quit calling the postman a mail escort."
"What did the doctors office say to the hurricane? Sorry, we don't take any Joaquins"
"[overhears guy saying economy is bad] [later, at family dinner] no trust me, the last thing you want is an economy. those things are so bad"
"you got to be fast to make it in advertising kid. gotta be snappy. gotta be clever. how would you sell a car? thats right: titties"
"Geez, I'm so sorry...I'm not normally ticklish. (me to the nail lady I just kicked in the face during my pedicure)"
"UHD TVs are going to be obsoleted next year by the new standard: DBZ It has a a vertical resolution that is over 9000."
"me: good morning, Linda Linda, my co-worker who backpacked through Europe: Not as nice as the sunrises you can see looking out from Venice"
"[date] Me: you wanna see what desserts they have? Wife: how about we go home & I'll let you- Me [calls waiter]: what desserts do u have?"