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Joke of the Day

"What are the four food groups? For bachelors: Fast Frozen Junk and Spoiled. For drinkers: Malt Hops Barley and Yeast. For heavies: Caffeine Fat Sugar Chocolate."

"A really funny joke. http://youtu.be/h8ycKKA7LZI A work-in-progress from my stand-up set. Tell me what you think!"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Bjork ! Bjork who ? Bjork in the USSR !"

"I'm glad Canada won. Beating them in hockey would like telling Yo-Yo Ma that the cello sucks. He's a nice dude, let him be into the cello."

"What's the difference between an epileptic oyster chef and a prostitute with diarrhea? One shucks between fits."

"Showed my husband all the super-awesome Twitter lists I'm on. He put me on a list called People I Probably Shouldn't Have Married."

"Piracy dates back to the 14th century, when armed criminals boarded ships and viciously watched movies that weren't out yet"

"A missing joke If found please pm me."

"I had sex with a campfire. It was hot."

"Why was Jokeexplainbot angry? Because someone was pushing his buttons!"