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Joke of the Day

"Piracy dates back to the 14th century, when armed criminals boarded ships and viciously watched movies that weren't out yet"

"The thing about blind prostitutes... You gotta hand it to em'"

"7 out of 3 people are bad at fractions."

"I will not mess up this omelet.. I will not mess up this omelet.. I will not mess up this omelet.. I will enjoy my scrambled eggs."

"When I'm in a conference room all by myself I like to pretend I'm having a very important meeting with chairs about chair shit."

"I've had a revelation from God himself! and he told me to share it with you all! It's hmm...ehhh... wait just a second, damn I think I have forgotten it! bah can't have been that important then"

"What did the psychiatrist say to the man wearing nothing but Saran wrap? Well, I can clearly see your nuts."

"When someone asks me if I'm busy, it always sounds like a trick question."

"A miracle birth, then resurrection. Accept Frosty the Snowman as your personal savior."

"RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Praying for telemarketers to call so I can experience human contact as I slowly dissolve into dust"