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Joke of the Day

"I feel sorry for men who don't know how to value women. One look at a woman and I KNOW how much she will cost me."

"What does a pediatrist do when you ask them which body part they find most interesting? They admit de feet."

"My girlfriend said she was leaving me because of my smash mouth obsession But then i saw her face..."

"I like my women like i like my upvotes. Under 16 and being fucked with by people online."

"I'm not saying we should kill all the stupid people in the world, I'm just saying we should remove the warning labels from everything and let the problem take care of itself."

"I ran over my wife yesterday I was devastated, but she was crushed"

"What's that movie about the girl who forgets Adam Sandler every day? I want to know her secret"

"Can't decide if I should start this laundry or fake my own death."

"ME: any advice DAD: its ok to embellish a little [later at job interview] INTERVIEWER: tell me about yourself M: i wrote harry potter"

"""looks like a burrito fell out his pocket, hes crawling up to get it and crying. thats gonna cost points"" - commentators on my snowboard run"