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Joke of the Day

"Can't decide if I should start this laundry or fake my own death."

"No mom I won't go to ""night school,"" I already get what night is, it's that bullshit thing where the sun turns into the moon for a few hours"

"What kind of bees make milk, not honey? Boo(bees)"

"I hate the alphabet so much... I'm thinking about burning an F or G."

"Note to Self: In future interviews, don't say ""Safe in your strong arms"" when the employer asks where I see myself in 5 years."

"Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because the 7 didn't fucking bend."

"What do a Walrus and Tupperware have in common? They both like a tight seal"

"Parachuting is probably the best way to put your life in the hands of a backpack."

"If pink and glitter were vitamins blondes would be the healthiest people alive."

"Swimming ""Hey, is that ur Kid in the swimming pool?"" 'No, my kid can't swim'"