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Joke of the Day

"I'm not saying we should kill all the stupid people in the world, I'm just saying we should remove the warning labels from everything and let the problem take care of itself."

"Best part of election night is seeing how fast states tabulate votes and judging the slow ones. What's up, Sloth Carolina?!"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Pacquiao was chasing it!"

"I've never really been into French Impressionistic music, but lately... ...it's been grabbing me by Debussy."

"What does Hitler say when he's impressed? That's Totalatarily Awesome"

"What Do you call an alligator in a vest? An a investigator."

"What are a parrot's favourite literary characters? Mr Macawber and Pollyanna!"

"Unlike many guys, I don't try to get into a lady's pants... ...mostly because they won't fit me, but also because they lack usable pockets. What's up with that aspect of fashion design, anyway?"

"I'm in charge of eight kids tonight. No big deal though I can be really responsib-- I'm in charge of seven kids tonight. No big deal though"

"I'm working on organizing a circlejerk. It's coming together."