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Joke of the Day

"People who try to prepare for the end of the world are obviously misunderstanding the core concept."

"After working out for over a year, I successfully dated several girls who always jumped on my couch, saying 'do whatever you want with me'. But unfortunately none of them liked Mario Kart. :("

"I just released a new fragrance, and the people on this elevator are not happy about it."

"Birth Paddy's wife was ready to give birth so he rushes her to hospital.On arrival the nurse asks ""How dilated is she?""To which paddy relies,""Oh Jaysus we""re both over the fucking moon!!..:)"

"Fertilizer Plant Explosion This fertilizer sucks, all these plants are dead!"

"Some call it drug abuse. I say the drugs get what they deserve."

"Don't judge someone because they sin differently than you."

"I went to a feminist picnic the other day... It was great, but no one made sandwiches."

"You're a recruiter and Google is not blocked by your company filter. What folder do emails from histrionic venture capitalists go in? [deleted]"

"Accidentally ordered a large Coke from McDonalds. My Smart Car tipped over"