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Joke of the Day

"WAITER: How is everything? ME: Soul crushing and void of meaning W: I meant your meal M: Soul crushing, void of meaning, and needs salt"

"Why does Snape teach options and not herbology? His lily died"

"Why did the Bear dissolve in water? He was polar"

"Why is there no mexican olympics? Because everyone who can run, jump, or swim is already across the boarder"

"Bob Dylan's singing sounds like me insisting I'm okay to drive."

"I know I'm getting old when I see a beautiful 19 year old girl and I wonder what her mother looks like."

"You know what the opposite of Netflix and Chill is? 9/11 and school"

"My wife said to me, ""Would you rather have sex with Angelina Jolie or Mila Kunis?"" I said, ""Yes."""

"Bring a toddler to your next robbery. Their smudgy fingerprints everywhere will make the forensics team cry."

"What will the first female Mexican head of state be called? The Precedent."