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Joke of the Day
"You know what the opposite of Netflix and Chill is? 9/11 and school"
Next Joke
"How many absurdists does it take to change a lightbulb? Yarn."
"What STD does a hip black man get? Kool-AIDs"
"What'd the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his ass."
"In a democracy, it's your vote that counts... ...and in feudalism, it's your Count that votes."
"can you start monday at 8? ""yes, thank you for the opportunity"" [calls new boss at his home on sunday night] hello? ""am or pm?"""
"Why did the Libertarian cross the road? Fuck you, none of your business. Am I being detained?"
"If Hillary wins I'm leaving the country if trump wins I'm leaving the country. Not a political repost I'm just getting deported"
"""You can hide but you can't run,"" -- Mama tortoise giving the lowdown to her kids"
"Doctors say that one piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off of your life. That has to be most delicious form of suicide I have ever heard."