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Joke of the Day

"I know I'm getting old when I see a beautiful 19 year old girl and I wonder what her mother looks like."

"Avocado: not ripe Avocado: not ripe Avocado: not ripe Avocado: I'M RIPE NOW Avocado: okay you were in the bathroom so I rotted"

"""I hate confrontation"" ""No, you don't"""

"What do Amish people catch when they start using technology? Mennonitis!"

"Was there a good turnout at the Bernie Sanders rally? There were a lot of people, but I wouldn't say it was super pac'd."

"Do you think horses feel remorse? They have such long faces."

"Biden: We need theme music when we walk into a room Obama: Joe be professional Biden: STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON, CRAZY MOTHER- #BidenMemes"

"If you're upset about seeing a middle finger on TV, you're going to sh!t yourself when you see everything else going on in the world."

"I finally finished the jigsaw puzzle It took me 2 years but I was well chuffed seeing as the box said 6-10 years."

"What did the book say to the librarian? Can I take you out?"