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Joke of the Day

"Q: Why did the mother of twins name both of her sons Edward? A: Because two Eds are better than one."

"My girlfriend might not appriciate this. Me: I've got something to tell you. Gf: Don't say that makes me anxious. Me: I've got a date. Gf: ??? Me: http://imgur.com/GeYB7xY Still to hear back from her."

"My Drug Dealer I don't even care that my drug dealer's a woman. She's a real heroine."

"ITALIAN FOOD WHAT IS AN ITALIAN LESBIANS FAVORITE FOOD? CUNNINGLINGUINI !"

"The Twelve Days of Christmas would cost$107,000 this year which is relatively cheap considering the amount of human trafficking in the song."

"My mom asks if I could help her bake bread this Christmas. She kneads me."

"Why did the military name it's new drone system ""Caitlyn Jenner""? Because it's unmanned"

"ME: here's your bday present! BUDDY: [tries to grab it but it won't budge] did u wrap your own hand flipping the bird again ME: just open it"

"What do New York McDonald's employees and people who read Ulysses have in common? Liberal Arts Degrees."

"""fool me once, shame on u. fool me once, shame on u. fool me once, shame on u"" - a goldfish :("