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Joke of the Day

"Your mother is a 10 On the Richter scale When she walks"

"All I have is blood on my hands now. Papercut"

"BREAKING: Republicans may oppose President Obama's decision to skip breakfast."

"Just downloaded the Lana Del Rey emoticon pack: Sad :| Happy :| Scared :| Excited :| Surprised :| Giving birth ;|"

"Where are all of the creative Calculus jokes? All these new ones are so derivative..."

"What's the difference between Lance Armstrong and Hitler? Lance could finish a race"

"When Germans combine words, we get things like ""flutter mouse"" and ""river horse."" When the English do it, we get ""jorts."""

"What's worse than sucking 12 raw oysters out of your grandma's vagina? Realizing you only put in 11"

"Played Monopoly with a kid & argued that I CAN buy the jail.. Teaching him a valuable lesson about the privitisation of the prison system."

"Dear Architect, surely this bald spot on my head is a glitch in the matrix?"