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Joke of the Day

"For her birthday, my wife wanted something that went from 0 to 80 in 5 seconds. So I got her a weighing machine..."

"Not quite feeling myself today. I'm going to see if booze helps..."

"what do you call a woman with one leg I-lean Just heard it!"

"What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? I couldn't unscrew your mom."

"yesterday when I was contemplating my life while playing volleyball I wondered why the volleyball was getting bigger. Then it hit me."

"What do you call a bunch of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hairline."

"Who do grammar nazis hang out with now? The alt-write."

"On the the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me.. Nothing. I don't have a girlfriend."

"Donald Trump isnt that weird looking... .........I would even dare to call him a little hand-some."

"Just realized some twitter handles are probably prison ID numbers."