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Joke of the Day

"Why are turds tapered? So your asshole doesn't slam shut."

"Back in my day, we didn't have iPads. If we wanted to act elitist, we stuck the collars of our Polos straight up."

"How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None- they'd just beat the room for being black."

"My wife asked me where I would like to be buried....... Apparently, "" Balls deep in your sister "" wasn't the anewer she was expecting."

"ME: Michaelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel on his back? GF: Yep M: [2 hours later] How did he reach the bit between his shoulders?"

"What does a vampire take for a cold? Coffin syrup!"

"I'd definitely watch a show with Dr. Phil going door to door reading people's Google search history out-loud with the most judgmental stare."

"Why did Kevin's Ice cream fall down? Because he was hit by a truck"

"If it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable."

"Harambe and Cecil the Lion walk into a bar Bartender asks, ""What'll you have?"" They respond, ""Two shots, please."""