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Joke of the Day

"ME: Michaelangelo painted the Sistine Chapel on his back? GF: Yep M: [2 hours later] How did he reach the bit between his shoulders?"

"What do the Japanese do when they have an erection? They vote, you lacist."

"2 plants are hanging out One says to the other, "" you hungry?"" To which the other replies, ""yes, I could go for a light snack."""

"Stolen Gate The other day, I looked out my window to see two guys stealing my side gate! I didn't say anything to them though. I didn't want them to take offence."

"Justin Bieber.... I have recently changed the sound of my alarm clock to ""Justin Bieber - Baby"". Now I wake up 5 minutes earlier every day, so I don't have to listen to it."

"What's the difference between a slice of toast and an Iraqi..? You can make soldiers out of a slice of toast"

"What do gay horses eat? Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!"

"If you want to know who is really man's best friend, Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car, come back an hour later, open the trunk, and see which one is happy to see you."

"JOB INTERVIEWER: Talk about a time when a big project of yours didn't work out as you hoped ME: Well I got two English degrees"

"I had an art teacher in school who didn't believe in deodorant boy was he an aroma to be around"