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Joke of the Day

"Back in my day, we didn't have iPads. If we wanted to act elitist, we stuck the collars of our Polos straight up."

"Today my mum told me I wasn't an only child.... Today my mum said that I was an only child. I said, I already knew that mum seeing as dad is in jail for rape."

"I failed stats because i have no faith in myself.. I couldn't find anything more than a 0% confidence interval."

"Watching CNN for news is like watching ""Patch Adams"" for medical advice."

"Can we please be straight here- when you hit the wrong key by accident, that is a typo. When you can't spell the word, that is NOT a typo."

"What's the difference between your mom and a pizza? A pizza doesn't beg me to keep going when I'm eating it."

"Knock Knock..... Whos there?? 9x11 9x11 Who?? 9x11 paper fight... I came up with this is a fit of insanity from sleep deprivation, so just laugh at it."

"One day on Mercury lasts about 1,408 hours. About the same as a common Monday on Earth."

"Did you hear about the magic tractor? It went down a lane and turned into a field..."

"A club sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, ""I'm sorry, we don'tserve food here."""