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Joke of the Day

"I recently started my new job at the zoo circumcizing elephants... The pay isn't great, but the tips are huge."

"Teacher My teacher pointed to me with the ruler and said ""There is an idiot at the end of the ruler"" I got suspended for asking which end! :P"

"Why girls want to be mermaids 1. No pants 2. No periods 3. Perfect hair 4. You get to lure men to their deaths 5. Free clam bra"

"Harry Potter: ""Hermoine, I'm gay"" Hermione: ""Are you kidding?"" Harry: ""No, I'm fucking Sirius"""

"If time is money are ATM's time machines?"

"today, my girlfriend asked me for a dick pic.... but the NASA didn't let me use the Hubble Space telescope.."

"Next OSX version announced!!! It will be called ""El Chapo"""

"[sketchy parking lot] stranger: hey man, can you jump my car? me: maybe if i get a running start"

"A duck walks up to a lemonade stand... and he says quack, quack."

"And the Lord said unto John... ""Come forth and receive eternal life."" But, John came in fifth and won a toaster."