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Joke of the Day

"I recently started my new job at the zoo circumcizing elephants... The pay isn't great, but the tips are huge."

"Stupidity: Running over a string 10 times with the vacuum cleaner, picking it up, looking at it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance."

"Willow Smith is 11 years old and has a tongue piercing, half of her hair shaved off, and is claiming to be bisexual? Sounds like somebody needs to move in with their auntie and uncle in Bel-Air."

"If you can't spell, we can't hangman."

"This morning I was at the atm when an elderly woman asked if I could check her balance So I pushed her over"

"[stubs toe] ""GOD DAMMIT"" God: No problem, bro. [toe goes to Hell]"

"Silly Political/Finance Joke What do Vladimir Putin, Crude Oil, and the Russian Ruble have in common? They're all going to be 65 this year."

"HR: welcome to sexual harassment training. Me *raises hand* I'm gonna leave. HR: it's mandatory. Me: There's nobody here I would harass."

"Me: Did you just put your fingers in my drink? 5yo: I don't have poison on my fingers! Me: But why did you....wait, what?"

"Women call me The Gold Medal I always finish first."