127002

Joke of the Day

"I am looking for two Chinese people to help me improve legislation for animals in Asia. That way, two wongs can make a right."

"What percentage of the zombies are just chasing you down to tell you they're vegan?"

"How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb? Ten: one to screw it in and nine to say, ""Pssh, I can do that."""

"When is a door not a door? When it's ajar. (oldie but goodie)"

"I remember the last thing my granpa said to me before he kicked the bucket. he said, ""hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?"""

"How can my wife's hands not open a jar of pickles in the day, but become superhuman vice-grips at night when I want some covers?"

"How do you get a homosexual man to have sex with a woman? Shit in her cunt"

"iTunes has it all wrong... ... the hottest single this year is me."

"Why did the GameCube controller get off the boat? Because he got a little c-stick."

"Making plans with a stoner is like having sex with a prostitute... ...They tell you they're coming, but you know it's a lie."