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Joke of the Day

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself...& murderous clowns, & ISIS, & one of these two getting elected President after Halloween."

"Why did the Soviets decide to be Russian? Cuz they got tired of Stalin."

"What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and an all-girl track team? Pygmies are cunning runts."

"Everybody is Irish on St. Patrick's Day, which must make it a living hell for Irish Immigration officials."

"I hate it when I pee in my pants and people think its just water that splashed on my crotch from washing my hands."

"How do you reload a cardboard gun? With paper clips."

"Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won't send MY dog to obedience school"

"What is the one food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%? Wedding cake."

"If I kept a record of how many steps I walk every day in a file... Would it be called a Pedofile?"

"What's colorless and smells sweet? Chloroform SHHHH.."