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Joke of the Day

"Never trust a sweet talker.. They probably just want you to undo the zip ties so they can escape."

"I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit."

"My wife's name is Elle but I call her ""L"" for short, because I don't have all day."

"There was life on mars. Was. It was a cat. Then Curiosity killed it."

"What's the difference between a rectal thermometer and an oral thermometer? The taste!"

"A black man walks into a police station... The police chief asks the cop... ""so did you shoot him? Did you choke him out? Whats the problem here?"""

"What kind of soldier doesn't need bullets? The kind of soldier that's always shooting his mouth off."

"""the uk couldn't POSSIBLY leave"" ""trump couldn't POSSIBLY be president"" ""we couldn't POSSIBLY start eating each other out of necessity"""

"It's been so long since I've gotten laid My sperm's starting to grow legs."

"I'm so lonely I bought a plane ticket just for the airport pat down."