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Joke of the Day

"I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit."

"Why do hipsters prefer to drink their PBR warm? So that they can say they liked it before it was cool."

"What do you call weed from Israel? MaraJEWjuana"

"What is Aladdin's favorite Pokemon? Magikarp. So he can take Jasmine to a Magikarpet Ride."

"Laughter is the best medicine Dad used to say laughter was the best medicine I guess that's why some of us died of tuberculosis."

"Go down a water slide while it isn't wet and you'll understand why foreplay is so important."

"In the winter time, where does the North Korean Soccer team practice? Inside or outside? Trick question. They don't have any heat so it doens't matter."

"I like how politicians always address us like we are positive, civic-minded, motivated people. I think we're all a bunch of fat jerks."

"What did the mother Buffalo say when her boy left for college? BYE-SON!"

"Che: ""Why do you want to participate in this guerrilla war?"" Me: [picturing myself leading an army of gorillas into battle] ""Independence."""