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Joke of the Day

"""the uk couldn't POSSIBLY leave"" ""trump couldn't POSSIBLY be president"" ""we couldn't POSSIBLY start eating each other out of necessity"""

"Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because chickens didn't exist yet."

"All these Marvel movies, and they sure are taking their time getting to Thanos and the Infinity Gauntlet Don't worry. They'll get there... Avengually."

"What's the difference between Santa Claus and a bassist? Santa Claus has gifts"

"I'm calling about the poster for your missing cat. Why not ask the guy who took that picture? Just kidding, I ran over it."

"Why do Mexicans walk around school like they own the place? Their dads built it and their moms clean it."

"I was thinking about robbing this sperm bank, but I think they've already seen me coming."

"Arnold Schwarzenegger has made a pretty good career for himself in pest control... They say he's a great ex-terminator"

"PRO TIP: If you hold out your arms like Frankenstein when walking in a leg brace, people let you cut in line at Starbucks."

"Sometimes when I'm puking I worry I might be pregnant then I remember I'm not Mary And that requires sex Then I laugh And keep puking"