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Joke of the Day

"*slowly unwraps a candy bar as neighbor talks about her new diet"

"Johnny asked his grandma if she had ever tried 69. She said, ""No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could fuck in one night."""

"How are one night stands like savings accounts? ...you make a deposit, withdrawal, then lose interest."

"Pythagoras was a skeptic... ...but now he believes in angles"

"I don't get it Friend: ""1980's called, they want their music back"" Me: ""The mirror called, they want their joke back"" Friend: ""I don't get it"""

"I was having a hard time remembering my PIN on my debit card.... So I changed it to 0911. That way I never forget."

"What did the animal killer scream as he attacked the alpaca farm in Tibet? DIIIIIEEEEE LLAMA!"

"What's a Judge's favorite drink? Guil-tea!"

"Sex so good you see dead people."

"Sorry I look depressed. It's just that when I heard the sound of your high heels on the hardwood floor, I thought a pony was in the house."