126711
Joke of the Day
"Why didn't the clam share his ipod? He was shellfish."
Next Joke
"Hey Buzzfeed, the only way my beard is 2% feces... ...is if I just finished eating 98% of the pussy."
"I went to a vegetarian restaurant I went to an all you can eat vegetarian restaurant the other day and there was this girl who said she knew me but I swear I never seen herbivore."
"How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? They left the plunger in the toilet."
"Old man Manelli is cooking a chicken on a rotisserie in his front stoop When a hippy walks by. He stops, looks up and says: ""Hey man! The music stopped and your monkeys on fire"""
"I HAVE BEEN TO FOUR DIFFERENT FABRIC STORES LOOKING FOR THIS 'WIFEY MATERIAL'! WHERE COULD THIS TYPE OF MATERIAL BE!?"
"[Date Night] I poured us a bubble bath. Him: *sigh* is it Sprite again? *sipping seductively from tub with a krazy straw*: Just get in."
"How do you get your dog to come? Fuck it."
"""Sorry I didn't reply to your email Terry, a wolf ripped my hands off... Oh these? Um, I got new hands? Gotta go!"""
"If I had a dollar for every time someone called me lazy. I would...."