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Joke of the Day

"Old man Manelli is cooking a chicken on a rotisserie in his front stoop When a hippy walks by. He stops, looks up and says: ""Hey man! The music stopped and your monkeys on fire"""

"Standing in the liquor store, trying to decide if tonight's dose of self-loathing and regret should have a screw-top or a cork."

"I'm just a girl Hiding under a bed Hoping his wife leaves soon Again"

"I bought some new shoes today from my dealer. The only problem is I don't know what she laced them with, and have been tripping all day."

"Ever hear of an Australian kiss Its like a French kiss except its ""down unda"""

"Why are gay pride parades held in the summer? Because gay pride comes before gay fall."

"Why are there no Walmarts in Iran? Because there's a JC Penny at every corner."

"What do a Professional Fifa Player and a Rapist have in common? They're both going to score, even if you don't want them to."

"If you watch Wall-E backwards its about a little robot that would rather live alone forever than deal with fat people."

"Hallmark Card: ""I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here."""