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Joke of the Day

"I went to a vegetarian restaurant I went to an all you can eat vegetarian restaurant the other day and there was this girl who said she knew me but I swear I never seen herbivore."

"I don't mind getting the stink-eye when I say, ""Happy Whatever Holiday You're Weirdly Touchy About,"" because THAT is the spirit of Whatever."

"Driver: My God... that weasel... Onlooker: He just went... ""pop""... Weasel's family: *sobbing* Ice-cream man: I've got an idea for a song y'all."

"I recently traced my family tree... It was easier, I'm rubbish at drawing."

"How are blowjobs and hollandaise sauce alike? You can't get either at home."

"[son's football game] Other dad: which one's yours? Me: I can't remember. I just wait for him in the car when the games over"

"[NSFW] Warning Explicit Content This form is explicit. y=x^2"

"You guys know why I don't drink fancy coffees? cos they cost a latte."

"Credit cards are VERY dangerous. Every time I try to use one somebody starts chasing me with scissors."

"What's a redditors favorite Imagine Dragons song GOLD!"