194970

Joke of the Day

"If I had a dollar for every time someone called me lazy. I would...."

"What's the best way to keep water from running? Don't pay the water bill."

"A crab, a tuna, a lobster, and a Chinese man being run over by a steam roller. What doesn't belong? The Tuna, since all of the others are crushedasians."

"By law, you are required to turn on your headlights if it's raining in Sweden. How the hell am I supposed to know if it's raining in Sweden?"

"Intelligent people are some of the biggest idiots I've ever met."

"Once you've mastered being a surgeon... ... operating just become an exercise in patients."

"I real reason I'm single I have a tiny penis."

"What's the difference between the lavatory and the cemetery? No difference - when you gotta go, you gotta go!"

"Q: Why did Clinton choose Canada as the site for his summit with Yeltsin? A: So he could look up some college buddies who moved up there during the war."

"Did you see the frog perform in the opera last night? Why yes, she was absolutely ribbeting."