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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping Tom? One snatches your watch and the other watches your snatch."

"My friend is really into that show Arrow He's a real Arrow-head"

"How man nihilists does it take to change a light bulb? It doesn't matter."

"Pro Tip: If you knock on the door to a bathroom stall and someone says ""one second,"" wait more than one second before entering."

"If someone brought me coffee right now I would follow them around like an imprinted baby bird forever."

"You've heard of alphabet soup now get ready for Times new ramen"

"Note to self: Take Mila Kunis picture off of vacuum before taking it in for service next time."

"What do you get if you cross history and a cow? A moo-suem."

"Why are high school girls only 13, 15, or 17? Because OMG, they like LITERALLY can't even."

"My dishwasher has racks on racks I'm not talking about the machine"