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Joke of the Day

"Why does the Pirate Wear Camouflage Underwear? To hide his booty."

"Daughter just told me, ""Dad, I don't make sandwiches, I eat sandwiches."" One day her picture will be on money."

"Whats the difference between a washing machine and a woman? A washing machine doesn't follow you around after you dump a load in it."

"Can't wait until phones become waterproof so pushing people in pools becomes funny again."

"Two mexicans are playing Call Of Duty... It was A Juan v. Juan match."

"the devil has a tape recorder containing the sounds you made when you sang aloud with a group but didn't actually know the words"

"Finding Nemo. Grilling Nemo. Eating Nemo."

"I asked my blonde girlfriend to shave her pussy for me I didn't realize Calico's were that skinny."

"I've just invented a new word. plagiarism"

"I can't believe my neighbors came to my house at 5:00 AM... ...thank god I was already up playing the bagpipes."