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Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference between a washing machine and a woman? A washing machine doesn't follow you around after you dump a load in it."

"I just woke up and scared the hell out of this mortician."

"If you're a monkey, your shit's always bananas."

"I'm fearfully awaiting the day my alarm clock becomes self-aware and the snooze button hits me back."

"Skrillex used to play string instruments in the orchestra, until he dropped the bass."

"Why can't you eat a wookie? Because they're too chewie!"

"What do you call a religious dairy farmer? Cheesus Christ"

"Hey Dad, The airport called, if you don't turn down your TV, they're filing a complaint."

"""Have you tried putting balogna in it?"" ~me, as a marriage counselor"

"A retarded kid, chemo patient, and midget walk into a candy store... [And walk out with jawbreakers bigger than their heads!](http://imgur.com/HwGG6mm)"