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Joke of the Day

"Just finished up some dusting. And by dusting I mean I blew on a shelf and then sneezed 6 times in a row."

"My wife thinks our sex life is boring and I get distracted easily.......... Well I Better get back to it...."

"I like to ask people what their sign is and then read them a completely different sign's horoscope just to hear them say ""that's so me!"""

"[on quiz show] ""and if you won some money today keith, what would you do with it?"" *leans way too close into the microphone* spend it alex"

"Pinocchio was going down on his GF, she started yelling lie to me, lie to me. Pinocchio:"" i love you""!"

"What's the difference between Bird Flu and Swine Flu? One requires tweetment, the other requires oinkment. I'll see myself out."

"Know how the iPhone 6+ was invented by men? Only men would call something that measures 5.5 inches, ""six plus"""

"Why can't blondes finish software updates? They can never find the ""any"" key."

"....So carrying a ""wet floor"" sign and putting it down immediately after using your best pickup line on a woman is frowned upon!"

"It's so freeing to be single again because now I can finally catch up on all the things I've been meaning to do like being really lonely."