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Joke of the Day

"My physics professor gave us a really difficult exam question about a ball with a changing rate of acceleration. It was a jerk move."

"I had a pretty confused childhood because I thought obituaries are actually advertisements selling dead people."

"What did Hellen Keller name her dog? Naaaaagggghhhhhhh."

"Juror:We find the defendant- *pizza guy bursts in* ""Ive got 2 pizzas for Not Guilty"" Defendant: Im Not Guilty Judge:NOT GUILTY *bangs gavel*"

"You have 2,000 friends on FB and your profile pic was taken in the mirror? You couldn't find one of your ""friends"" to take it?"

"There was a kidnapping in my neighborhood today... So i woke him up."

"""Snitches get stitches,"" I whisper to my 3 year old as he watches me brush Oreo crumbs from the bed sheets."

"If you are religious, then you should not wear underwear. It is holey."

"A father asked his son how baking school was going ""I knead some dough."""

"I ate something evil and it's killing me... I don't know whether to get an ex-lax or an exorcist"