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Joke of the Day

"Well, I've got to hand it to you. -Guy explaining how the baton works in a relay race."

"Did you hear about the guy who thought he performed brain surgery on himself? Turned out, it was all in his head."

"Why don't Black people like to go on cruises? ... Because they're not falling for that one again."

"What do mathematicians call retirement? Aftermath"

"WITCH (using her broom for just sweeping): did we give up our dreams? WIZARD (using his pointy hat as a piping bag for cupcake icing): yes"

"What is the difference between a GOOD and a BAD girl? A GOOD girl goes to a party, goes home then goes to bed. A BAD girl goes to a party, goes to bed then goes home."

"My girlfriend is always such a sourpuss. Maybe I should stop using lemon flavored condoms."

"In an interview Barbara Walters asks OJ Simpson if he thinks he will ever be married again... He says, ""I don't know... One of these days, I might take another stab at it."""

"[at aquarium] That's a lot of octopussys to have in a tank. ""Octopi"" Oh sorry...that's a lot of octopussys to occupy a tank."

"They played The Shins while I was in Whole Foods today and I leveled up in Caucasian."