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Joke of the Day

"They played The Shins while I was in Whole Foods today and I leveled up in Caucasian."

"I walked past a drug rehab facility today. There was a sign on the front lawn that read ""KEEP OFF THE GRASS!"""

"Did you know that Santa's not allowed to go down chimneys this year? It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission."

"A guy runs to your door and pleads, ""Someone's trying to kill me! Can I come in?"" How should you respond? ""I don't know. CAN you?"""

"Sometimes I masturbate while driving The passengers on my bus don't like it, but the high school hasn't fired me yet..."

"Some people may call me an agnostic but I'm a God-fearing man -- afraid she might exist"

"A List of Shitty Jokes 1. This joke. 2."

"What do hillbillies do on Halloween? Pumpkin."

"Why are dentists really good hackers? Because they always get root access."

"Guys with ponytails are clearly vampires because there's no way you can actually see yourself in a mirror & still think that looks good."