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Joke of the Day

"Pro Tip: If you leave an assortment of tissues, cold medicine, and a big bag of cough drops visible on your desk, coworkers will avoid you!"

"You have to admit, healthcare reform sure beats the most lasting domestic reform of the last guy: warrantless wiretaps."

"What does a neckbeard call his imaginary girlfriend and his disease? Ma'lady"

"My brother had some bad news.. I saw my brother the other day, he told me ""Grandpa got badly burned"" ""Really how badly?"" ""Well they don't fuck around at the crematorium"""

"Being a penis is rough Your roommates are nuts, your neighbor is an ass hole, your best friend is a pussy, and your owner strangles you every night until you throw up!"

"What do you get if you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? About halfway across"

"Why do walruses just love a Tupperware party? They're always on the lookout for a tight seal."

"October 31st, 2187: Sugar is now illegal. Parents search their kid's Halloween bags to make sure the razor blades don't have candy in them."

"""Just spots"" ""I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes."" ""Did you ever see a doctor?"" ""No, just spots."""

"What do you call a cross between a bulldog and shitzu? Its called ""Whatever comes out of Donald Trump's mouth""."