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Joke of the Day

"I just tried to kill a spider with hairspray. He's still alive, but his hair looks outstanding."

"Be right back. -Godot"

"You are the pebble in my shoe of people."

"Some people won't stop complaining about Steam's new updates... ... I guess they just can't see the Big Picture. (Just thought of this and wanted to share.)"

"[at church] ""I'm here for the blood."""

"Them: What would you do if you knew that you couldn't fail? Me: Probably eat spaghetti while wearing a clean gray sweatshirt."

"where did Mary go after the explosion?! EVERYWHERE!"

"What did the conservatives say to the abortion rights supporters? You'll never de-fetus."

"A blonde and a brunette are exchanging wild stories... Brunette: ""have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"" Blonde: *ponders for a moment* ""No but I've been swung around by the tits before!"""

"Why can't T-Rexs clap their hands? Because they're all dead"