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Joke of the Day

"You are the pebble in my shoe of people."

"A Magician was driving down the street. Then he turn into a driveway."

"This mop seemed a lot more exciting on the infomercial."

"9: ""Mom, that's a pretty necklace. Can I have it?"" Me: ""No, I got it as a gift."" 9: ""Well, can I have it when you die, then?"""

"What'd the Mexican say when he was upset? I don't want to taco bout it."

"I had surgery to change myself from Asian to Caucasian. It was a real eye opening experience"

"6am: Too tired 8am: This isn't so bad 1pm: OMG so tired 5pm: zombie 8pm: Dead 10pm: LETS SWIM THE ENGLISH CHANNEL & OVERTHINK FOR HOURS"

"What did the poplar tree say to the weeping willow? Hey pal, you just need to branch out more."

"I work with some really great people. They're reliable, they're honest and they never cause any problems. I don't fit in at all."

"I guess you can say trusting a Russian merchant is pretty... Roosky business"