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Joke of the Day
"I chose to be gay because women are such assholes to me. Fuck em"
Next Joke
"Why did the man become a baker? He kneaded the dough."
"Whenever I'm down in the dumps, I get myself new clothes. They smell a little bit but at least they're free."
"Baptisms were invented by a guy who had to explain why he was caught trying to drown a baby."
"[first date] HER: I totally love Nirvana ME: Oh yeah? Name one of their albums HER: Nevermind ME Okay, forget about it then"
"Please follow the instructions 1) Read all instructions 2) Sacrifice a goat 3) Cut off your fingers 4) Eat glass 5) Only do number one"
"My husband's safe word is 'CRAMP!'"
"Ten times two is the same as eleven times two Ten times two is twenty Andersen times two is twenty, too"
"""Mom, I don't like my little brother."" ""Then just eat the vegetables."""
"The worst thing about being in my 40's is that I can't get teenaged girls to sleep with me. It's like being a teenager again."