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Joke of the Day

"DID YOU KNOW? If you sleep on your side every night, your face eventually slides around your head like on a flounder."

"My sister-in-law has step-children and that's awful, why won't she use regular stairs like everyone else"

"How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it."

"I was on the elevator with a maid and I BLASTED a fart. Moments like that make life worth living."

"Mom, what's a Kardashian? It's what a midget can't see over when in the driver's seat. Just kidding, dear. It means whore."

"Which American president was not guilty? Lincoln, he was in a cent"

"Goodbye things in my apartment. Have fun coming to life and talking to each other. I'll be back around 6 pm."

"*wear sunscreen* *go up to a guy named Ray and punch him in the nose* *now laugh because sunscreen protects you from ultra violent Rays*"

"Welcome to Plastic Surgery Patient Anonymous! I see a lot of new faces here and frankly, I'm disappointed."

"What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers."