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Joke of the Day

"How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it."

"Now that Steve Jobs is gone we'll never ever know why c**t autocorrects to Cynthia. WHO WAS CYNTHIA?!?"

"Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head."

"Q: What did the skunk use to contact his girlfriend? A: His smellular phone!"

"What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off. Well, you can't blame them. They don't make much money, they just keep the tips."

"What I was supposed to teach my kid before kindergarten: 1) phonics 2) writing 3) math What I actually taught her: 1) the dance to Thriller"

"I bought a nice 12 year old Scotch. Obviously his parents weren't pleased!"

"So how do monks stay warm in the snow covered peaks and whatnot? they have a shawl in temple"

"[NSFW] What did Olive Oyl say to Popeye on their wedding night? ""No fisting."""

"A horse walks into a bar... and the bartender asks, ""hey, why the long face?"""