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Joke of the Day

"My friends are like ""hey come camping with us this weekend"" & I'm like ""I can't, I have to get new friends"""

"My girlfriend said to me ""sex is better on holiday""... That wasn't a very nice postcard to receive."

"Mid-'90s joke I just made up: Steven Tyler made a new version of Dude Looks Like A Lady... it goes ""Dude looks like his daughter!"""

"Q: Why did the IRS recently audit Bill Clinton? A: Because he filed as head of the household."

"STUDENT: what's it like being drunk? TEACHER: see those 6 desks? A drunk person would see 12. STUDENT: there are only 3 desks."

"How are women and tornadoes alike? They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave."

"Me: A watched pot never boils. Wife: ... Me: ... Wife: ... Me: ... Wife: ... Me: ... Wife: Try turning on the stove, idiot."

"What do cows do when they're introduced? They give each other a milk shake!"

"What's easier to load into a garbage truck, babies or bowling balls? Babies, because you can use a pitchfork."

"Do you know why every new bride smiles? Because she just gave her last blow job."