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Joke of the Day
"According to my calorie intake, I just need to be on the treadmill for 3 years today."
Next Joke
"The day after Thanksgiving is often the biggest capitalist/materialistic shopping day every year. I'm protesting it this year, and had to think of the movement's slogan... Black Fridays Matter."
"Arnold Palmer: get me a refreshing drink Barkeep: try this, its lemonade and iced tea Arnold Palmer: Mmm... its good... I just invented it."
"My 22-year-old cousin: My biggest fear in life is that I won't make a difference, that I'll be insignificant. Me: It's really not that bad"
"So in 60,000 years the only thing the Aborigines have invented was a returning stick. Oh i meant to post this on /r/facts"
"No one has ever said, ""You know what would make this even better? Turkey bacon."""
"So this morning my fiance rolls over and says ,""honey I think I have a fever this morning."" To which I reply, ""pics or didn't happen."""
"Why do you never see a Teddy bear ordering dessert? Cus they are always stuffed."
"My next door neighbor is a bitch... so I just snuck into her house and taught her parrot to say ""my husband can never find out about us."""
"What kind of cake stops blowjobs? (NSFW) Weddding Cake"