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Joke of the Day

"My next door neighbor is a bitch... so I just snuck into her house and taught her parrot to say ""my husband can never find out about us."""

"What is the definition of ""trust?"" Two cannibals giving each other head."

"What's the best part about sex with a 5 year old? Watching them break down on the witness stand."

"How do you climb a triangle? By scalene it"

"A man walked into an appliance store and asked the clerk, ""Do you sell color televisions?"" ""Yes,"" said the clerk. The man replied, ""Then give me a green one."""

"Let's make a deal. You sing Christmas music in the office and I'll leave 5 minutes early to let the air out of your tires. Deal?"

"My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I am suspicious that I am up to something I don't want myself to know about."

"i did it God! i finaly got 2 of evry animal NOAH.THEY HAVE TO BE ALIVE *noah looks at boat full of dead animals* do u kno how long this took"

"[christmas lights are being put up] Every moth ever: oh hell yeah"

"[sketchy parking lot] stranger: hey man, can you jump my car? me: maybe if i get a running start"