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Joke of the Day

"Rules are like a penis You can bend it as much as you want, but if you break it, you're fucked."

"In 2009, it cost approximately 53,000 dollars to fly a troop to Iraq, and nearly double that to fly them back. Probably because of all the extra baggage."

"I think I might be dying But I really like the color of my hair right now."

"What did the psychiatrist say to the patient that showed up wearing Saran Wrap and nothing else? I can clearly see your nuts!"

"they say 98% of fat people can be good looking if they lose weight, but 99% of them don't...when I became that 1%, i realized i was that 2%"

"I feel sorry for homeless gay people They have no closet to come out of"

"I only know bad chemistry jokes Cause all the good ones Argon"

"Can everyone come to my funeral in FBI outfits, stand at the back & not say a word to my parents so they think I lived a cool double life."

"Every time I hold a baby I have to talk my ovaries down like a hostage negotiator. ""18 to life, man. I KNOW IT SMELLS GOOD! Stay with me."""

"Did you hear about the assassin who was given forty years to complete his assignment? He had some time to kill."