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Joke of the Day

"How many children do I want to have? Kind of a weird question for a first date, but umm I guess enough to finish the temple"

"I went to the noodle shop yesterday... and ordered a bowl of noodles. The waitress brought it out, but tripped and spilled the noodles and hot broth all over my right arm. It felt pretty raw, man."

"What's the worst part about eating a vegetable? Taking her out of the wheelchair and putting her into bed."

"My wife is like my phone When she's turned off she won't even give me the time of day"

"""You're still a winner,"" Pinocchio whispered into his third drink. He wept as his nose grew to touch the glass."

"People who talk at the cinemas really annoy me.. I can barely hear my phone over them!"

"Why did so many black men get killed in Vietnam? When the generals would yell, ""Get down!"" they would all start dancing. I'm so sorry."

"What do you get when you cross a bell with a bee? A humdinger."

"David Cameron's legacy David Cameron will go down in history as the man who fucked up his campaign, fucked up his job, and fucked up a dead pig."

"Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, and Bernie Sanders are on a plane. The plane crashes. Who survives? America"