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Joke of the Day

"Cigarette: Hey buddy. Me: I don't smoke anymore. Cigarette: But buddy. Me: NO. Cigarette: Buddy? Me: You do make a good point. Fine."

"Walked into the kitchen and saw my wife laughing while putting a banana in the garbage disposal so I think I'll sleep in the other room."

"What do you call a wet poodle A puddle"

"Why should you stand in a corner when you are cold? Because corners are *90* *degrees*"

"How an Illuminati living in the arctic is called? An Igloominati"

"A sausage and an egg in a frying pan..... The sausage says to the egg: 'fucking hell its hot in here.' The egg says to the sausage: 'fucking hell, a talking sausage.'"

"I don't know who put chairs in the elevator, but that's a kind of laziness that I can respect."

"A vegan in the woods. If a vegan is alone in the woods with nobody to tell, are they still a vegan?"

"Stalin met Hitler in hell Hitler said : Next time, I'll kill 6 Million Jews and two Clowns! Stalin : Two clowns? Why? Hitler : See? Nobody cares about the Jews."

"How do you get an elderly lady to say f***? Get another one to say bingo"