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Joke of the Day

"How an Illuminati living in the arctic is called? An Igloominati"

"Him: Should you be eating that much chocolate? Me: Should you be using that much oxygen?"

"Women always complain about periods. Talk to me when ovaries become supersensitive, hang in a thin sac and you accidentally sit on them."

"Sometimes I feel so alone, and then I remember I'm a part of the biggest, most reliable 4G network in the country."

"Bill: Where did you get that gold watch Joe? Joe: I won it in a race. Bill: How many people participated in it? Joe: Three a policeman the owner of the watch and me!!"

"When I was getting my prostate exam, I asked the Doctor where I should put my pants.. ""Over there, beside mine"" wasn't the answer I was expecting."

"Goldfish are the only pets with the decency to die just as the novelty wears off."

"Just been reading Delia Smith's recipe for scrambled eggs... Apparently ""they should be soft and fluffy."" No you daft bitch that means they've hatched."

"How do you tune a fish? With its scales!"

"Movie was a real turkey! Could someone explain this joke to me it's driving me crazy! Libby: How was the movie? Brian: A real turkey. I could hardly sit through it the second time!"